Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
