And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
