We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
