well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
