It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
