Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
