No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
false alarm. still invincible.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
