Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
