do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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