good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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