and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Drunk is a universal language darling
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