i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize