We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry about my life...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
