Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize