I want to stick my p in your. b.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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