Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
