Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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