Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
