literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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