make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
