I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
