I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
