All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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