Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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