So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
