I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize