sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
