you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
