he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
