U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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