what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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