I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
