I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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