my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
