All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
