i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
