Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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