Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
