yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
