No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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