I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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