I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
dude. I can hear the air.
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