wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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