she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
