Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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