I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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