Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
