I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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