so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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