Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
