im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
