I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
