Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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