he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
