I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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