i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
