I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize