I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
