Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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