My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
