Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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