You're my little dorito
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i came on her dog
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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