I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize