His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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