Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
