never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
