He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
