Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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